Expedition Team

David M. Lawrence

Age: His mustache is older than most of you
Aliases: Buzz, Steve
Whereabouts: Not in custody at this time

David M. Lawrence remains a mystery. Some say he’s the author of two books, Upheaval from the Abyss: Ocean Floor Mapping and the Earth Science Revolution (Rutgers University Press 2002) and Huntington’s Disease (Chelsea House 2009), a contributor to essay anthologies, such as The Science of Dune and The Science of Michael Crichton (both BenBella Books 2008), and under contract for a third book, Time Detectives: Climate Change and Scientists Quest to Know Earth’s Future from Its Past. Some say he’s a washed-up hack covering high school and college sports.

Some say he’s a scientist – a teacher of college-level biology, geography, meteorology, and oceanography – who still seethes over his lack of notoriety from the Climategate affair. Some say he avoided polar cramer along the shore of Hudson Bay; fought to-the-death battles with cockroaches in Indonesia; saw a big, big lizard in northern Veracruz; and nearly fell on an alligator and got bitten by a water moccasin – though not on the same day – in Louisiana.

Other rumors abound: that he once spent four hours scuba diving in 40 degree (Fahrenheit) water in a wetsuit; that his guitars and amplifiers have been in more gigs than he has; that he looks like Jesus, Charles Manson, Tommy Chong, Jerry Garcia, and the Dude; that he has inhaled; that he has problems with authority; and that he considers Curly Howard his intellectual advisor and the Tasmanian Devil as his spiritual advisor.

All we can confirm is that he lives in Mechanicsville, Va., with his wife, two children and a menagerie of creatures with legs, scales and fins.